Quantum of solace

Hi …sad woman…

Hi, sad man……

Hi again…

Hi hi again there, you sadness……

I’m sad.

I know that. I have noticed the very convex lips and I have a thing for convex lips.

Yeah, SAD!!!

Not really, it’s SAAAAAAAD …with the many ‘A’s. I invented the word while I was very very sad. It is soon going to be in the Oxford English dictionary, then I will be sad and famous for inventing a word to describe my default state, I’m not so sure about being popular, though.

I’m SAAAAAAAAD too.

I have an idea…

Shoot

Let’s get married.

We are very compatible.

I wonder why?

I can guess why?

Why?

Because we are SAAAAAAAD.

Oh, My Goodness!!!! You are a genius. You really have uncommon intellectual power.

Correction, I just figured out why we are compatible. Nothing genius about that. You must have really low standards of genius. I’ll take it.

Self-deprecation. Wonderful. It is like I made you on the computer.

I am a SAAAAAAAD GENIUS.

Never forget the SAAAAAAAAD, it is the glue that holds me together. You know, it has always been my dream to marry a sad genius …and here you are. Wow, The sad universe must have been listening to me.

This is like that sad fairy tale that sad kids will read about in 100 years to come. The power of sad love. The sad knight in shining armor rescued the sad damsel in distress and they lived sadly ever after.

Let us sit here and drink to our sadness, then eat to our sadness, then have a sad kiss, then go to our sad homes. We then shall meet tomorrow wearing our sad dresses then go to the Attorney General’s office and have our sad marriage. Make sure to wear black, any other color blinds me and that’s why I wear this goggles that make me see black and only black. I can’t even tell your color right now. For all I know, you could be green or yellow or purple but who cares. We shall be the sad black couple who are deep in sad love.

I really love that plan. I feel like giving you a sad kiss right now …but I won’t give it to you. I guess that is going to make you sad. Are you sad? Are you sadder? Please tell me you are sad. I really want to see you sad this particular time.

What do you mean? I am already sad. You mean you cannot tell? Has my whole life been a lie? Have I been thinking that I am the king of sadness yet nobody is able to notice!! I need to ponder on this. Perhaps we should postpone the wedding until I have my answers. Are you even listening to me, my sad woman?

You see what I did there? Obviously, you didn’t. I tried to crack a joke. You do know what a joke is, right? That thing that happy people laugh at.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? WE THE SAD NEVER MENTION THE H-WORD. IT IS AN ABOMINATION. YOU ARE A FAKE; I DON’T WANT TO MARRY YOU ANYMORE. AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, WE THE SAD CRY TO OUR JOKES. WE SHED TEARS OF SADNESS UNCONTROLLABLY TO ALL OUR JOKES.

Hey, come back. Don’t leave me alone. Look, I’m going to cry. I’m starting to cry. Here come the tears. One drop. Two drops. Three drops. My sad black mascara is getting messed up. Come back to me sad one. WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.

Are you going to use the h-word again? That word gives me the serious heebie-jeebies.

No, I promise not to. You are my black knight in black armor that I bet they do not shine. By the way, you are black. Literally black…we should go find your family in Southern Sudan. You would fit right in, you would not even need your color-canceling goggles. If you wear your goggles there, you will not see shit. The people will technically disappear in front of your eyes. will call me mzungu when I get there. You do come from southern Sudan, right? Also, are you going to wear those during sex? It would be really creepy if you are into black fanny. Just saying.

Let’s get out of here and go have sad sex with my goggles on. The last time I saw pink fanny, I ended up in the hospital for three weeks. Pink fanny is my number one killer, worse than cancer. Another glimpse of pink fanny and you will be declaring me persona-non-Grata from this world. Shall we?

That is a genius idea. Times like this, I wish we were more of angry. My neighbors are very angry, they broke their bed. They always break their bed and that bed is really strong. They are angry superman and angry wonder-woman. I applied for the job to be their permanent carpenter. We are gonna be rich. I got the carpenter job and their bed is broken at least three times a day. I think they should be porn-stars, the career would definitely suit them. Please be my angry one. I need to break my 10th bed then add your name to the corridor of fame in my house. Can I already call you husband? …I guess it’s too soon. I will call you my sad pumpkin. You know I once dated a sad Masai man; he killed a lion for me. Are you gonna kill a lion for me? I think you should. I also dated a banana once. He was permanently flaccid. I didn’t like that.

Shut up, you talk too much.

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