Noble gas fiasco

At this particular point, I am experiencing sheer frustration. Where the hell is Kyllan when I desperately need him? I called him about an hour ago. How long does it take a robot to get into a self-driving car and head for the police post? Isn’t a robot and self-driving car meant to be efficiency personified? I cannot stay in this filthy tiny cell any longer. My worst nightmare that involves being around retarded teenagers is happening right now. All these annoying disturbed little people talking nonsense the whole time and mentioning words that I do not understand and looking at me as though I am their mother is driving me bloody bonkers. “Excuse me you delinquent adolescents, I am not that old. Useless citizens.” I shout in my head.

How did I end up in in a stinking police cell?

I was in my car headed for the local mall. I needed to buy some fresh supplies for my house so I won’t have to get out for at least the next thirty days. I hate getting out of the house. I don’t do so well outside. I have major social anxiety. I just fear people.

Sitting alone in my self-driving car became quite boring. In the process of trying to make myself less bored, I stopped a street hawker that was selling some artificial voice boxes. I had been in traffic for about 20 minutes now. “Can I have one of those voice boxes?”, I asked. He handed me one, I paid him and let him keep the change.

I had seen something on-line and thought perhaps I should try it since I finally had the chance to. I took the voice box out of its packaging, sterilized it and inserted it in my anus making sure it is not too deep. Before you start cringing, the voice box is quite tiny, almost the size of a suppository. This voice box was for the sole purpose of making your ass talk. When I was little, this kind of technology did not exist. I wish it did. If only the voice box came with a brain so you could have an intelligent conversation with your ass. I will probably work on that when I get home. I could make some millions out of that idea.

To make things a bit more interesting. I had a gas cylinder full of helium in my car. I took the cylinder and let some gas into my ass.

This is where things started to go wrong….

While in the process of letting gas into my ass, traffic started moving and the traffic cameras got quite a good shot of me lying on my stomach, my butt facing upwards and a tube inserted right in between my butt cheeks. That was not something one saw every day.

So, I got arrested for indecent exposure, or so I thought. Turns out, it is illegal to use helium in one’s ass. I never knew that. The AAMNG( Association Against Misuse of Noble Gases ) had passed a law against using abuse of noble gasses. My activity topped the list of abusive things that one can do to a noble gas.

Kyllan finally showed up and took me home.

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